Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. No interest in fatherhood? SpaceySteph I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). Why do you assume everything is so laid back though? He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. Mileage 450. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? 4. But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). And thats a double entendr. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. Ill bite. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. Abandoning a child does. April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. But I just don't know anymore. BACKFIRES! Its not right Im sure I wouldnt. Susie and Jimmy find themselves in the same predicament only Jimmy is thrilled because hes enlisting and being deployed overseas. Briana DeJesus. because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. SweetsAndBeats But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? And should. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? That fact just rubs me the wrong way. I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) Both of their attitudes kind of suck. Hes an idiot either way. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. Wow, thank you so much Lili. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. Share your opinions and thoughts below! It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. SweetsAndBeats Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. No worries. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. lets_be_honest Focus on that though, and you are going to have a miserable life. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. Even if you wore a condom. lets_be_honest As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. Trap Red Flag #1. Like labor isnt extremely painful. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. What can you change? April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. personally i think this is a confusing, gray area that Im not sure I know the answer to. landygirl. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. thats just dumb. Especially the children. Its ironic that some of the same people who fire off insults left and right on this forum, feel so offended when someone simply disagrees with them. Stop this back and forth with him. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. Blood is not everything. landygirl Do you know how much day care alone is a month? And I am, I must admit. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. Thank God for the laws in place protecting children against men like you. female
from the letter: Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. If the woman is not required to support a child Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! 2. 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. Nice way to generalize. Its fucking unfair. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Sue Jones April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. What are your thoughts on an abortion? The woman also gets to choose to keep the baby if she wants (even against his wishes), and gets the added benefit of forcing an unwitting and unwilling father into servitude for what is completely and totally her choice by your own admission. Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. You sound awfully bitter to me. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. John Rohan However, I realize thats a pipe dream. If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. SweetsAndBeats Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. so we have a 8mth baby. Whoever is saying otherwise is simply wrong. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. Are you kidding? But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. If he didnt want to wear condomwhateverIll even give him the benefit there. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. female
Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. and now he must deal with those consequences. Think of the children. We learned that in middle school. You want to work on your social skills. honeybeenicki He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. I think we need to take a poll. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. There are any number of cases where under-age males, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, get hit for child support because the female teacher who statutorily RAPED them got pregnant. The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? She didnt sneak up in the dark of the night and steal his seed and turkey baste herself, Chuck. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. P.P.S. & he tells me now, the mother agreed to take the child & look after the child, & he will leave the baby mama for me, because he loves me. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. Its fucking simple. Move forward with your life. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. Whats your lawyers address? Fyrebyrd2 Who the hell else is clicking that button??! lets_be_honest So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Thats a dudes view. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. But it also ought to be her responsibility. Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now shes pregnant with his son. Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. Thanks. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. Its because of biology, and a legal system that puts the interests of the child above the interests of the parent. I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. Or so so many of you all keep saying. Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. Hi. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. John Rohan We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. -Wants nothing to do with his own child. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Lots of it. Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). evanscr05 He slept with his ex-fiancee once, and now she's pregnant. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. What a joke. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. Cant thank you enough for your response! Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. Ugh so agree with Amanda. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! I agree with the magically thing. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. There were no hard feelings). But hes 40?! That support is not hers. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. My sister has 3 birth control babies. First things first, get yourself to a doctor or Planned Parenthood or somewhere like that and get tested for STDS! Solved. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. April 11, 2012, 11:50 am. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. You pack of hypocrites. Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. SweetsAndBeats pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. You can get pregnant on birth control! However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. Reminds me of that one post about a girl's ex boyfriend getting a girl pregnant, but it wasn't actually his, and he was infertile. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. When I was young, but old enough to ask, my mom always told me that my biological father just wasnt ready to be a daddy. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be..
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