It crushed me because I love him still and wanted to make things work. Hi everyone, I am in my early 20s and my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me because he's depressed. If your ex is going out a lot, sleeping with other women, and having a good time, he obviously isnt depressed or having a hard time coping with stress. I miss him with everything I have and just a week ago I was so happy and now it all feels so bad, Im going through the exact same thing. Share your thoughts below. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? If I may ask, how is everything going with you and your girlfriend now? Aside from that, it is important to know if his depression was caused by a specific situation, or if it is something they are still struggling with because if that is the case, they might not go back until it is resolved. Its not his fault, but the pain is making you feel frustrated, forcing you to appear out of character. This article is very helpful. How long did it take? Is it possible hell come back to me when hes feeling ready? Thats why depressed dumpers dont go into detail too much. They tend to run away from problems and the negative emotions they connect with their exes as solving difficult problems requires a lot of willpower and dedication. You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. But when something bad happens (not implying that it will), he could want someone to help him get through his misery. But i am so heartbroken. He said he doesnt want to hurt me anymore than he already has. This understanding does not help me to fill the hole in my heart though, so sad. So we broke up. Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. It might be difficult to put yourself in your exs shoes, but think about it this way. Im going through the something similar me and my ex girlfriend are both 19 she broke up with me because of depression and that she was emotionally drained she didnt realize she was depressed till about a few . And I also deal with depression but have been getting help and I know how he feels in a way, but I know how to talk about feelings and when things bother me, he doesnt. He told me that he love me and we made plans about the future , we were . It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. Depression may seem like its all about him getting overwhelmed and thinking hes not good enough, but depressed people often associate unhealthy thoughts and emotions with their ex on top of that. Observe his actions. But if hes avoiding people, blaming himself, and missing out on sleep, then hes likely dealing with the real deal and needs a lot of understanding. Fight the illness together. It's run by a man, John Folk-Williams, who has lived through this himself. Time does help just a bit too slow. She said she needs time and space to work on herself and she hopes that in time when she feels better, that well try and get back together, when shell have a clear fresh mind. If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time. Its hard to see that right now, but give it some time and youll see. So if youre wondering why your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, heres the answer youre looking for. Talk to him about what are the changes he is facing(physical and mental).ask him questions like, are you feeling low about something?, have your motivation to work gone?. I desperately wish he had gotten help or spoken to me before he decided our relationship was too much work but I also am so angry because it feels like he didnt fight for us in any kind of way. Ill work and focus on myself in the meantime, and will accompany her through this dark tunnel, whether it is as her best friend or her boyfriend, ill always be there for her and want her to be happy. Everything started to go downhill starting January 2021. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and, unfortunately, you aren't alone (or maybe that will make you feel better). An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I was going to move there definitely with her, after we both finish our studies. He needs to know hes not that person anymore and that you know your worth. More often than not, the stronger person eventually loses respect for the depressed person and thinks of him or her as a burden. I learned a lot of depressed men dont because they dont ever really learn how to open up about their feelings. He is supporting his adult son. The thing about depressed guys though is that they dont have much if any energy left to work on themselves. He said he has thought about about it a lot and he hasnt been truly happy for a while and doesnt feel the same as he used to. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. My boyfriend and fiance of 5 1/2 years dumped me last night. .Set boundaries. Work on losing hope and let him message you if he wants to. You didnt agree to this. If hes acting differently now (lets say hes going out, partying, meeting new people), he most likely isnt depressed. Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals. Financial problems and loss of job due to the pandemic. They dont like talking about them because thats how theyve developed themselves. They prefer to be on their own because that way, they feel the safest. All the best to all Depression Fallout sufferers. Im just hurting so bad and I dont want him to throw away something so great. What Eckard means is that people depend on external sources for happiness and your ex will probably as well. Exes who become depressed after the breakup tend to crave a relationship with the dumpee whereas those who leave because of depression want a lot of alone time. He decided that the best way to deal with smothering emotions was to get space from them and not deal with them at all. Its really sad and i was heartbroken that she decided that, but on the other hand i know it is for the best, i only hope she feels better and manage to heal, and be happy. Week into my breakup now. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Mine has less depression,(bizzare creative spurts of painting and playing the piano) but mood swings peaking into euphoria most of the time. I wish you are doing very well now after 20 days. Hell message you if he changes his mind. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. I am quite confused and im unsure what to do, how to feel, how to react, so writing it down ease my mind. He said he doesn't know what he wantsso i said "so you love me, but don't know what you want?" They leave their partners at their worst and run off to enjoy their lives to the fullest. When you try to understand and comprehend your partner, it is very important to be compassionate and gentle. She would text me less, we would spend less time together, she would not reply to me and ignore me, more and more as days passed. But if he dates other people and fails, he could get hurt again and need someone to help him get through rejection. 1 Feb 20, 2017 #1 My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. She doesnt know why she wake up mean and irritated towards me, and that she is afraid she will keep feeling this way and hurt me. Im at a loss. He also said he doesnt want to be friends or see me frequently because thatll just make moving on harder for him. I sent it before I read this article anyways. I can relate so much to this. A breakup caused by depression can be difficult to foresee and interpret. Whatever your ex blamed the breakup on, he doesnt want you around. I just dont know how I can help him because when I did go see him & call him even after the breakup, he didnt pick up my calls or reply to my messages. He broke up with me. Which didnt get better. He is going to therapy. There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. He told me the other day he started to feel bad again recently and he needs to take a break and that he didnt want to do this because he knew how much it would hurt me and it made him so upset. During our time together he wasn't really on medication, only when necessary. Know that it is not you. Its something dumpers do to avoid dealing with a highly emotional situation. Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. It wasnt my first relashionship but it was my first long-distance relashionship, i was unsure back then how to handle one or if it was even possible to keep. Thats why he started to crave a life without you and detached completely. Coming here and reading this article and all these comments, somehow makes me feel better. Why Is My Ex So Mean When My Ex Broke Up With Me? Im going through the same situation. Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? She may think of herself as a burden and would want you to be free. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? Tharu. Our last night together was great. Hi there. I wish I could help him, I wish we could be the happy us that we used to be. Thats because he may not let go of the negative thoughts and emotions he associated with you. if your girlfriend is depressed, she probably may feel worthless about herself. As a dumpee, you likely cant tell whether your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth or if hes just unhappy with you. And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not happy with himself and that he feels like he's changed. Im thankful for your time. And he said "yes..i know it's confusing". Hey, thank you for everything you have written, reading your messages makes me realise that I am not alone in this and there are other people living the exact same thing ! Follow the rules of no contact and let him come to you. Yes. Shes going through a really really hard time and that affected how she felt about a lot of things in her life. Dont let this impact how much you admire your partner, but also leave an open door for checking on each other. It was like he was pulling away from me. He was diagnosed with clinical depression a year ago because of a suicide attempt. Before the breakup, he ghosted me for a week almost & told me he needs to think about things. He told me exactly this I cant do this anymore, Ive hit my lowest point. Because they have problems, they often look for negatives in others and by doing so, ruin their own relationships. Lately he's been starting to feel depressed again and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me saying he needs some time to work on himself. This article will discuss what can happen when your boyfriend, who is dealing with depression, breaks up with you. Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. Over the phone, he broke up with me. Hes just enjoying the space the breakup provided and is going to keep doing that until he stops feeling empowered by the breakup. I know from reading the articles that his decision to leave wasnt just impulsive and despite his reasons for leaving being that he doesnt love me anymore or see a future I believe its down to depression. Advice on a break with . Is he dating anyone or talking to other women? Hey Lily, Alex, Jeanne Ive seen this happen many times and its honestly very sad. Mature couples support each other no matter what emotional difficulties theyre going through. But after he went to the hospital that day, he stopped telling me loved me, stopped being affectionate and loving all together. We have not spoken in two weeks. Hi, I have been in a (very) long distance relationship for about a year and a half. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. Difference in brain activity especially in the prefrontal cortex is found to be a neurological cause behind anhedonia. Making someone happy is a difficult skill 3 More answers below Anonymous 7 y My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. When family abandons you: what to do next? And that it was never my fault at all or anything Im doing. The rearing environment has a meaningful impact on risk for major depression, and this effect is likely mediated both by parental depression and the continuity or disruption of the home environment. I met him online and things moved pretty fast, he was very loving and always calling me and texting me. I found this method quite useful to minimise the chance of my mind filled up by the same thoughts all the time it helped me to be less confused, and could progress even though the pain would take a long time to heal. If he doesnt get well and improve his perception of you, youll move on and find happiness without him. They express that the breakup is not their girlfriends fault and that they have some things to figure out on their own. Did they ever contact you and come back ? We hung out last week, and not much progress has been made. For example, he was friends with a childhood bully of mine who really tortured me and he just couldnt seem to understand why that hurt me. In my heart though there is a very big hole. We're both in our early/mid-30s and were together for three-and-a-half years. I thought he might be depressed so I brought him flowers & food almost everyday although he didnt want to talk to me; hed barely looked at me in the face. She was alone in a city, with no family, no friends, no roomates, with no boyfriend close to her due to covid. On Sunday he was still texting me hearts So now Im sad and confused. Things between us were still the same as before, we were still loving each other and being happy, but i could tell that it was also slowly changing and getting different, and that she was changing too. A few studies show that a part of the basal ganglia called the nucleus accumbens has been referred to as the pleasure center. This protective effect disappeared if an adoptive parent had major depression or if the adoptive home experienced parental death or divorce during childhood/adolescence. If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write it in the section below. And as their behavior changes with you, as well as with other people, you might start to fear the relationship is reaching its end. If there was something that wasnt as great or emotionally unhealthy in the relationship, it might be hard for them to come back to it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-4','ezslot_11',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-4-0'); Having a mental illness doesnt make it impossible for a person to have a relationship. I want him back, but I also dont want to throw anymore good time after bad. It really makes me mad because this probably only made it worse, she probably feel like she cant be helped at all and lose hope in any help, and it probably played on her mental health again since then. Another thing that will help you cope is finding new hobbies and activities. We've been going out over 5 years and hasn't seemed himself the past few months and then we were together and he suddenly broke down and told me he has developed anxiety and could be depressed and thinks we need to break up so can can be by himself too. If youre facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. Read self-help books together to understand how to deal with depression and make a list of everything that could help him get out of the slump comfortably.
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