First, remember that it is normal for there to be some conflict between a parent and child. My brother did not. Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. I also really enjoyed Measure of Man which was the episode where Datas humanity is put on trial. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. (directed at the view in general, not you Fabelle) Am I not a read mid-twentysomething because I like them? Definitely! Did my mother? I wouldnt say they are musical magicians or anything, but they can still put on a good show. Theyre bonding against him because hes being hurtful to both of them. "If your family don't want to see both of you . And lets face itthe daughter is about to become a teenager. Id say the exact same thing if your roles were reversed here, and somehow she ONLY wanted to watch the History Channel and go hiking. Your husband sounds like a jerk. I was saying thats debatable. I was an only child, so my moms attention was nice, but I do remember thinking as a child that I wished she was normal in that she was more like a mom than a friend. Scifi and fantasy have an adult audience for a reason (and a lot of the scientists on your husbands shows were inspired to study it because of Star Trek and the like). July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4','ezslot_15',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4-0');And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. Its a source of strength, comfort, and love. Hed had a lot to drink and wanted sex right then. I think the dad sounds like kind of a jerk, and heres why growing up (and now, lets be real), I was a total geek for many things, including Star Wars (and I was born in 84, so it was years behind the times for me, too). I reminded him that he likes sex better in the morning and he called me frigid and slept on the couch. July 2, 2013, 11:15 am. On the other side, my sister hates sports and has ZERO in common with my dad and I would say prefers my mom to him. Thanks temp! The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. But you do so at your husbands expense, your daughters expense, and possibly the expense of your marriage. This is exactly my experience, too. I think it would seem less like forcing if he wasnt being a dictator about other things I mean maybe if she could listen to her music or a Harry Potter book on tape in the car on the way camping the daughter would be in a better mood , Marjoralynnia Mother of a Fangirl. My feeling is that its closer to the first scenario, and the LW is making it seem worse than in is. Our differences are what make people interesting. PS I also dont get why going camping and hiking versus Buffy-ing are mutually exclusive. I think the dad most definitely needs to be happy with the daughter he has, and not spend so much energy trying to shame her into being the daughter he wants, So he should act like an adult and not take his frustration out on his daughter by telling her that her interests annoy him. I really think if said in the right context, you can support both your husband and your daughter. My husband goes thru their rooms & throws clothes away he doesn't like. Theres no reason why reading books and an interest in musicals and playing music make someone uninformed, one persons preference for geography over literature doesnt make them more informed than the other one! I remember how happy my dad was to spend time with me and to share something with me that he was so passionate about. You may not see the rewards right away. I realized at a young age that compromise was an important thing in a relationship. I would truly hope that he doesnt realize how personal his criticisms are to a 12-year-old girl (because, if he kept doing it, then he would absolutely be the bully), and that he actually cares about having a relationship with his daughter more than molding her into his ideal child. (This led me to be labeled as the quitter.) You may feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to appease both of them while also trying to maintain the peace in your home. The whole time I was reading the letter, I was thinking, Shit if he acts like this toward his daughter, how does he treat his wife? This is partly why it can be so challenging to get a cognitively impaired individual to stop driving. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. He may be uncomfortable talking about his feelings or sharing personal stories. And my dad is a veritable warehouse of rocknroll trivia when a new song came on, hed often share a fact he knew about the band (Did you know Rush is a three-person band, and that the bassist is the lead singer?), or tell us about a concert he went to in his youth (hes been on stage with Ozzy, yall, close enough to see the O-Z-Z-Y tattooed across his knuckles), or quiz me and my brother to see if we knew who the band was or what the song was. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. He may think that if she leaves the home then shell be safe from his alcoholism. I know you said you dont want to hear about counseling and your problem isnt communication, but really? July 2, 2013, 3:17 pm. I was/am (?) YES! Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. he wants to teach her to drive. Their only way out of that entrapment is to keep their partners owing them. Manage Settings July 2, 2013, 12:00 pm, Haha, I know your story honey, and am very jealous of your mom. This can be a normal and healthy part of adolescence, but it can also be painful for parents who feel like they are losing the close relationship they once had with their child. She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. Plus, I gotta say, I dont love ripping into the mom for being Greedy , when it is understandable to want to foster such clearly shared interests with her daughter. But what upset me more is his reaction. Here are some signs that your father had narcissistic tendencies or was an outright narcissist. Spyglassez My dad said to me that the best thing you can do as a parent is expose your kid to all of their options and let them decide from there. Its also important to take into account your daughters age and stage of development. He would watch Full House or something with us. But for practical advice: board games. Up to a point. Placing a child in the position of having to be loyal to one parent at the expense of the other parent is heinous and very damaging to the child. Shes pulling away because hes hypercritical of her AND their daughter. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. I get that hes probably feeling left out, but thats not cool. July 2, 2013, 11:17 am, Skyblossom But nurturing these relationships between your daughter and both you and your husband while exposing her to things that may or may not be of immediate interest to her WILL help her be a more well-rounded, confident young woman secure in the knowledge that both her parents love her. Seriously? July 2, 2013, 11:13 am. Awesome show full of information. Whatever you do, make sure you stay true to yourself. From Voyager, for some odd reason, The Q and the Grey really struck a chord with me and actually made me challenge all of my beliefs regarding what is beyond humanity. going to museums? And that is kind of ok out of respect, if he hands me the remote, I put on things hed like, not what i like. Im a mom of a 14 yr old version of this LWs daughter mine is going to One Direction on Thursday, and will be spending all of Wednesday and Thursday both preparing for this epic event. Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Try to get him to understand that all he has done so far is push away those people that he probably cares about the most his wife and children. Yes, I know firsthand how much some Buffy fans just need to shut up about that blasted show. it seems to . He is also very critical of both of US Look, Im sorry, but your hand here is rather plainly seen. I even managed to convince him to watch Firefly (he loves Jayne. Ha! A game of Munchkin would be fun for all its geek references for you, and is playful enough that your husband might enjoy it. If you have any concerns that your husband is driving your daughter away, be sure to talk to him about it. July 3, 2013, 1:09 am, If the Mom is copying her daughters interests with such a vengeance its even more creepy. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. The thing that really gets me is that my brother, who is not very bookish, isnt doing that well in his classes and only my mother seems to care. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. Hes not interested in that because that would require work and compromise on his part. And every once in a while, he needs to do something he doesnt like because SHE wants to do it, and he loves her. Id love to hang out with her. lets_be_honest How does an interest in science and creativity equal boring? only in his mind is one of the most well-written and saddest things ever produced on television. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking a child camping who doesnt necessarily like it that much. Shes not talking about the Kardashians, but is talking about shows/books that mature, intelligent adults like. July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. No. I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. I love all things Hitchcock now, and not because she brainwashed me if she had her way, Id also love The Three Stooges and The Twilight Zone, and Im not nearly as crazy about those. July 2, 2013, 4:19 pm. But he also doesnt need to pretend to like whatever she is in to. No matter what state the person is in, he or she may face criminal prosecution of drunk driving when behind the wheel with a confirmed blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent or higher as the national limit. He needs to make some fundamental changes to his behaviour. Where is the suggestion to ask the daughter what she may want to do? If the later is the case, I would seriously consider whether or not husband wants to change and work on himself and if not, I would maybe get out. Navigating a situation like this can be difficult, but its important to do what you can to resolve the conflict. Also hi BGM. If shes expected to learn to take an interest in HIS hobbies, its fair that the same be expected of him every so often. It took me a VERY long time to develop my own interests and become my own person I think youre right to encourage your daughter to be who she is and like what she likes. Unless you are from PA, of course. Theyve Seen Firsthand How Unhappy Their Parents Are, 3. ), and Vietnam, but he doesnt care much about the hippie culture, so even though I love that, we skip that. I thought that was actually really funny. ! He rolls his eyes and tries to get them to stop talking about stuff that theyre interested in. Im supposed to make sure shes taking care of herself and shes so grateful that someone cares that much, and the next day Im trying to 'control' her. My daughter and I are a lot like you and yours. Make it easier for him to be his best self. The problem is that instead of at least tolerating her fangirling, my husband tends to disparage it, and roll his eyes. July 15, 2013, 3:10 pm. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. Seriously, this guy is an asshole. lets_be_honest But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? If the individual is below the legal age of drinking at 21, the BAC level is usually around 0.02. This could be something as simple as going for a walk together after dinner or taking turns reading bedtime stories. Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . My husband's daughter is coming to visit. 1. One other thought is that, maybe this really isnt about the daughter, but about her and her husband, she references herself a lot in this letter, and maybe she really has a problem with the way he treats her, but she just doesnt want to admit it. Saying his mom walked out because he hates him. I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. Think "he's a big boy" "He's a grown man. It cant be. Its rude for an adult to behave that way towards another adult, and its downright hurtful to do it to your child. bittergaymark I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. Parents can gaslight their children and definitely their daughters-in-law, whether they realize that's what they're doing or not. lets_be_honest He is into science so a consultation with a trained professional may be exactly what he needs. Yeah the dictating that she cant even listen to songs sometimes in the car is way over the top. Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). Grow up, already. You will learn from all of them. So basically my husband has been their father as their biological father rarely sees them,maybe once or twice a year. How the Courts Respond to Parental Substance Use. I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. Do I wish shed made more of an effort to hang out with me sometimes and like the stuff I liked? Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. painted_lady That way, everyone gets a say and is sort of forced to share each others interests. Would I have said, at 12 or 13, Hey Dad, hows about a trip to Home Depot on this fine Sunday? For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. And its his behavior that is the problem and his behavior that needs to change here. Youre bonding with your daughter at the expense of the relationship with your husband. Cover your daughter and her husband with generous . WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. My father would have considered my sister and I uninformed if we held an opinion that he didnt share, even if we weighed both sides and did research on the issue. The way hes acting could be a response to feeling alienated, Im sure, but right now it seems hes trying to run a bit of tyrannical household (with the assignments, & the verboten music and television). He is, however, driven and self-reliant. Theres forcing your kids to do something outside of their comfort zone, normal range of interests which I am ok with and then theres refusing to listen to music in the car EVER? Liquid Luck This day is going down in history as the first day that Ive ever agreed with every single word youve said, BGM. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger.
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